So you’ve made an even bigger mountain, I guess, out of a mountain. State why you haven’t engaged and will (if necessary) continue not to engage with her questions.Unhealthy dynamics promote dissembling where directness serves us best, unfortunately. She might not budge, but you will know you made yourself clear.For more than three centuries, we have welcomed generations of immigrants to our melting pot of hyphenated America: British-Americans; Italian-Americans; Irish-Americans; Jewish-Americans; Mexican-Americans; Chinese-Americans; Indian-Americans.Ami Bera I just thank God my husband and I found each other before the advent of social media.Please just tell your mother you don’t plan to have kids. That in turn will help you make peace with it when, to hold your line, you need to hang up or walk away.
DEAR CAROLYN: My mom is pressuring me to tell her whether my husband and I plan to have kids.I also object generally to social pressure to hit one milestone after another (“When will you have a boyfriend/husband/baby,”) and I feel like I feed into that by treating my decision as any of my mother’s business. You fill in the blanks yourself, obviously, with specifics on exactly what chaps you and why — but it’s an important exercise.That said, I think she’s genuinely hurt that I’ve refused to discuss this and part of me thinks I’m making a mountain out of a molehill. DEAR ANONYMOUS: I think you have good cause not to fill your mother in on your family plans — and I think your not telling her has had the unintended consequence of making this an even bigger nuisance for you than it would have been if you had just told her upfront on your terms. This family dynamic bothers you and it’s affecting the way you interact with your mom, so at least give her the chance to understand.We communicate by sharing our thoughts, ideas, and feelings.We enjoy being with someone when we have an easy time communicating or when we have a lot to talk about. But one thing I can say from my dating experience is that a physical attraction will only take you so far.