He began with criticism, went on to name-calling and moved on to physical violence and (probably) murder. “The Loser,” Carver notes, “has very shallow emotions and connections with others.It’s very important to get away from a Loser at the slightest hint of violence, including verbal aggression, since abuse usually increases in frequency and severity over time. One of the things that might attract you to the Loser is how quickly he or she says ‘I Love You’ or wants to marry or commit to you.Stacy’s growing insecurity also placed her under Drew’s power to determine how she felt about herself. That’s precisely what psychopaths do to their targets.
Eventually, rather than face the verbal punishment, interrogation, and abuse, you’ll develop the feeling that it’s better not to talk to family and friends.Suddenly, the next day they become sweet, doing all those little things they did when you started dating.” The period of sweetness leads the partners of Losers to cling to the relationship in the misguided hope of finding what psychologist Susan Forward calls “the magic key” that will make the psychopath stay nice to them. The psychopath invariably cycles back to his real, nasty self.Over time, the meanness cycle escalates in severity and increases in duration.Such outbursts also train the partners to become gradually habituated to acts of violence. They also engage in long-term relationships, however, to gain more lasting control over certain more promising targets.It’s nearly impossible to control strong human beings who have clear boundaries and a healthy self-esteem.