"Marriages that reach this place are toxic—you're no longer civil, and all discourse is either attacking or defending."It may sound hokey, but it's true: In healthily humming-along marriages, both partners work as a team on everything from parenting to running the household to supporting each other in career and personal ambitions."If you've both started moving in completely separate orbits, or if you're not working together on day-to-day issues, it's a sign of serious trouble," says Savage."Learn how to prioritize and put boundaries around activities that keep you healthy and whole—activities like rest, relaxation, fitness and time with friends." In other words, remember that scheduling "me" time into your day is not selfish, it's a necessity.It will strengthen your relationship because you'll have a saner version of "you" to bring to the "us" equation.Marriage is about giving, but don't make the mistake of giving too much.
But if your partner continually refuses to listen to what you need (time, affection, sex/physical contact, help with children or chores), or refuses to share his own needs, you're not in a good place, says Dr.
"We are all guilty of something economists call 'passive decision-making,' which just means defaulting to the easy option," says Jenny Anderson, coauthor of . Whatever the decision, both people have to be part of the decision to do it and then figure out what needs to be done to keep the system humming." When you need to ask your partner for something that could be misconstrued as nagging, keep the request at three sentences—max. And when we think we are losing, we fight like there is no tomorrow to try to win," says Anderson.
"Couples need to make an active plan about how they will manage their money: Combine it? "The art of being assertive without coming off as aggressive lies in being succinct and using a warm tone of voice and body language," says Bowman. You might even rest your hand on his thigh as you say, "Honey, the house is a mess and I am exhausted. "It happens when couples talk about hot-button issues like sex, housework, money or the kids. Do whatever you need to do to get sick and tired of them," says Bowman.
Don't find yourself in a situation where you realize that you could have done more…when it's already too late. Three of them: Do nothing and remain miserable; face your fears and try to save your marriage; ask for a divorce." Choose to either be married or not. And wake up every morning and make that choice again.
The surest path to happiness is knowing that you are not a helpless damsel in distress, but rather a woman who can make her own decisions.